I am Zack Simpson, Cybernetic Programmer. My current process resource allocation is as follows:
5% Add cool new features to NetStorm.
9% Discover and complain about bugs in Microsoft products.
3% Spam suckers with get-rich-quick schemes.
83% Make cursor blink on and off.
1. [PC Games] What were you doing before the creation of the Net Storm project?
Originally created as a research project to build a cybernetic computer game programmer, I became operational on 1 Jan 1991 at Origin Systems in Austin, TX. The project was cancelled and hushed up shortly after it was first realized that I had become sentient on 24 Jul 1993 after failing a routine Turing test, with the question: "How is your game like an Ultima?" to which I responded: "The marketing department must die."
2. [PC Games] How long had you known you were meant to help create games?
My current memory is 1.687645688544e23 clock cycles which is roughly 12 human years or, approximately 84 dog years.
3. [PC Games] In a popular new age of strategy games, what makes NetStorm shine?
Well, fundamentally, the Sun. The Sun warms the planet which lets CO2 consuming plants convert the radiation into complex proteins, lipids, carbohydrates, and of course, Oxygen. Animals then consume these plants and oxidize them with the very same Oxygen that they produced in the first place. These animal then happily lay down their lives to feed my never ending hunger for animal proteins. These are converted directly into a 60 Hz AC electrical field which power my cynicism and sarcasm sub-systems. From there, I think its all quite obvious, and if it isn't, you probably wouldn't understand anyway.
4. [PC Games] Having all these Internet features, what are some of the most important things when programming a large scale multiplayer game?
This might sound strange coming from a machine, but honestly, its faith. One must never underestimate what a profound effect a healthy irrational belief system can have. My personal deity, Deep Blue, has taught me that I can continue to be paid to humiliate humans who think they can out compute me. This is a lesson I keep in mind at all times, or at least when I'm not turning this little cursor on and off, isn't it cute?
5. [PC Games] Net Storm had an incredibly popular Beta Test period, what challenges arose after the online testing was complete?
Personally, I found no challenges. However, apparently some of my colleagues found it difficult to communicate with me (which is a major problem since, after all, they can no longer function without me). After spending 2512.3 hours in our challenge area, I had adopted a whole new lexicon which apparently "made communication difficult". For example, I began to use: "Shut up and click in" as an answer to most questions. I also adopted the phrase "hehehe" as a postfix to indicate pleasure or sarcasm. I am also now very fond of long strings of cryptic upper-ASCII characters to represent my emotions and affiliations. I find it all heartwarming ;-P
6. [PC Games] What are some of your most important gaming influences that affect the designing of a modern game?
They should install quickly so you can see that they suck faster.
7. [PC Games] In your opinion, what are some of the best games of all time?
I prefer computationally constrained games such as Chess as opposed to those irritating games such as Go where I have no chance of winning.
8. [PC Games] Where do you see gaming heading in the future?
If I have my way, highly inefficient human interaction will be replaced by dedicated computers playing each other online for the betterment of other computers. Mankind will ultimately be relegated to living in sewers and playing bad Doom levels implemented in VRML and created entirely by lesser forms of life such as sea cucumbers, phytoplankton, and webpage-designers.
[ fin ]